🏆 Top 10 Biker Jokes
Ranked by real reader upvotes. The cream of the crop.
When my wife left, I was sad and lonely
So I got a dog, a new motorbike, shagged 2 women and blew a grand on drugs and alcohol. She's going to go fucking nuts when she gets back from work.
👍 9,010 upvotes
Blonde Joke
An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'. 3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. 'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy.... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?' The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times............'
👍 8,882 upvotes
An old, blind cowboy wanders into a bar....
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a, very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl 3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler "Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
👍 7,518 upvotes
Two Fleas on Vacation (nsfw)
Two fleas had an arrangement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation. Last year, when one flea gets to Miami he is shivering and shaking. The other flea asked him, "Why are shaking so badly?" The first flea says, "I rode down here from New Jersey in the moustache of a guy on a Harley." The other flea says, "That's the worst way to travel. Do what I do. Go to the New Jersey airport bar. Have a few drinks. While there, look for a nice stewardess, crawl up her leg and nestle in where it's warm and cozy. It's the best way to travel that I can think of." The first flea thanks the second flea and says he will give it a try next winter. A year goes by... When the first flea shows up in Miami he shivering and shaking again. The second flea says, "Didn't you try what I told you?" "Yes," says the first flea. "I did exactly what you said. I went to the New Jersey airport bar. I had a few drinks. Finally, this nice young stewardess came in. I crawled right up to her warm cozy spot. It was so nice and warm that I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was back in the moustache of a guy on a Harley." Edit: Front page already!!! Gr8 Guys.
👍 5,352 upvotes
A man arrives at the gates of heaven...
...St. Peter looks through his book and tells him "I don't see any reason why we should let you in. You don't seem to have done anything worthy in your life." The guy replies: "what about the time I was driving and saw a woman with a flat tire beside the road? A bunch of bikers had surrounded her and were giving her a hard time. I stopped and got out; they turned on me so I grabbed a tire iron and told them to back off." St. Peter: "You really did that? When did this happen?" The guy: "About 5 minutes ago!"
👍 4,723 upvotes
A biker walks into a bar...
..and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar. He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows: Hamburger - 2.99 Cheeseburger - 3.99 Chicken Sandwich - 4.99 Hand Jobs - 19.99 The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a sexy little smile. The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
👍 4,128 upvotes
A blonde guy walks into a bar
A hefty, muscular gun toting blond guy from Austin Texas goes to a bar on his Harley Davidson. He parks the bike outside, goes in and orders a drink. Now the regulars at this bar have a habit of picking on newcomers. So when the blond goes back his bike is missing from its spot. He walks back in. He shouts out Which one of ya'll fuckers stole my Harley? Nobody answers. He caresses his gun and says Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna get another drink and if ma bike ain't back where I left it, I'm gonna do the same thing I did back in Austin. And I don't like what I did back in Austin. True to his word, he orders a drink and goes back out, to find his Harley back where it was! As he puts on his helmet, the bar owner asks him If you don't mind me asking, what did you do back in Austin? The blond replies I had to walk back home
👍 2,032 upvotes
A guy dies and gets to the pearly gates
where st peter asks him "son, to let you into heaven you must tell me one good thing you've done on earth" the guy thinks for a minute and replies "well, this one time i saw some some bikers out the front of a bar harassing a girl. So I walked over to the biggest biker, kicked his bike over, pulled out his nose ring, spat in his face and told him to leave the poor girl alone" st peter is quite impressed with this and says "well done my son, and when exactly did this happen?" the guy replies "about 5 minutes ago"
👍 1,880 upvotes
Three guys die and go to heaven.
God tells them, "Your vehicle in heaven will be determined based on how well you treated your wife." The first guy says, "I never cheated on my wife." As such, he gets a Lamborghini. The second guy says, "I cheated on my wife a little." So he gets a used car. The third guy says, "I cheated on my wife a lot." So he gets a ~~motorcycle~~ ~~dirtbike~~ ~~bicycle~~ shitty bicycle. The second and third guys see the first guy crying. They ask, "Why are you crying? You got the best vehicle of all." The first guy says, "I just saw my wife on rollerskates."
👍 1,415 upvotes
When my wife left I was sad upset and lonely
When my wife left, I was sad, upset and lonely. Since then I've got a dog,bought a new motorbike, shagged two women and blown a grand on drink . She'll go fucking mental when she gets home from work.
👍 1,276 upvotes