Work & Retirement
The funniest work & retirement — curated, scored by real readers, updated daily.
🏆 Top 10 Work & Retirement of all time
- #1
Why do ghosts have trouble meeting girls at bars?
Because they're only there for the boos.
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I have the most boring job of all...
I run an oil drill rig.
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You know how they say "a woman's work is never done"?
Maybe that is why they get paid less.
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Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
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My boss told me, "You are the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?"
I replied, "I don't know; it's hard to keep track".
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What is the most common job among spiders?
Web designer.
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My friend told me to try out a gloryhole, since you can pretend it's a woman on the other side
I've sucked 5 dicks so far and I still have no idea how this is supposed to work
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Why didn't the Koala get the job?
He didn't have... The Koala-fications.
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Jobs that dont exist anymore...
Steve
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90s kids won't get this either
Jobs
Read full joke → - #11
How does a mathematician solve their constipation?
They work it out with a pencil
Read full joke → - #12 · 3,984 upvotes
A man makes a bet with his boss
He bets $500 that he can lick his eyeball. Laughing the boss agrees. The man takes off a fake eyeball and licks it. The boss angrily give…
Read full joke → - #13
Job Interview: Mental Asylum
A newly graduated Psychiatrist goes to an interview at a Mental Asylum.... "So you're interested in coming to work for us here? Tell me wha…
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Two refugees are waiting in line to get into the US...
Two refugees are waiting in line to get into the US, one says "screw this line, I'm going to shoot Trump". He leaves for a while and then co…
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Guy walks into a Mexican restaurant but he's not that hungry...
And they serve free tortilla chips. He asks for one chip and they give it to him. He swipes his credit card, and nothing happens. The employ…
Read full joke → - #16 · 2,453 upvotes
Why is free Wi-Fi never seen in churches?
Because no church wants to be challenged by an invisible power that actually works.
Read full joke → - #17 · 39,570 upvotes
Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump.
But its a silly comparison really, its like comparing apples to oranges.
Read full joke → - #18
After my girlfriend got pregnant,
After my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed. My address, my job, my phone number...
Read full joke → - #19 · 2,332 upvotes
A teenage boy was delivering papers
A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailbox…
Read full joke → - #20
A man wakes up one morning to find that he's grown a thick beard and is wearing a turban....
He, being very concerned and disoriented, calls his boss in order to see if he can get the day off. Man: "Boss, I just woke up with a turb…
Read full joke → - #21
Someone asked me to validate their parking
So I said, "You did a very good job. I am very proud of you." ^^I'm ^^sorry. ^^I ^^actually ^^said ^^that ^^to ^^someone ^^at ^^work ^^tod…
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Today I went to my meeting of the Premature Ejaculation group
Turns out it is tomorrow.
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How will Trump add yuge amounts of manufacturing jobs?
He will build alternative fact-tories
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Tried going to the obesity clinic before work today.
But the queue was enormous.
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Not quite what she was expecting...
Guy: I work with animals every day! Girl: That's so sweet! Are you a vet or a pet shop own- Guy: I'm a butcher.
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