Old People & Grumpy Jokes
The funniest old people & grumpy jokes — curated, scored by real readers, updated daily.
🏆 Top 10 Old People & Grumpy Jokes of all time
- #1
Twin sisters just turned 100 years old
Twin sisters just turned one hundred years old in St. Luke's Nursing Home and the editor of the Cambridge rag, "The Cambridge Distorter," to…
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What's wrong with that 5 year old Ethiopian?
He's having a mid-life crisis
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My Grandfather told me my generation is to reliant on technology.
I told him, "no Grandpa, yours does." Then I unplugged his life support.
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An old woman walked into a sex toy shop...
She wandered in the shop for a couple of minutes and finally she stopped and asked the vendor: How much is this one? He replied: Ma'am, that…
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The pension office demanded my 86 year old grandfather prove his age.
He had no copy of his birth certificate and his driver's license had long since expired. But, he went to the office and demanded to see his …
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Confensual sex
A couple had been married for 40 years, and decided for their anniversary they would go to the same spot they went on their honeymoon those …
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There was a couple that was married 50 years
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the man said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." …
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Police stop old man.
Ron Chestna 89 years of age was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night . Ron replied, "…
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Simple mathematics
A college math professor and his wife are both 60 years old. One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband that says, "…
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A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary.
Knowing his wIfe loved antiques, he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her. When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared. He thanked th…
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I've been talking to a 13 year old girl for about 2 weeks now
We've been texting a lot lately and she just told me she's an undercover cop, that's quite impressive for her age.
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I heard this one from my grandpa
There is a white kid an asian kid and a black kid playing together on a playground at school all in the second grade. The white kid asks if…
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Jesus may have been offended
Elderly couple in church during Easter mass. Wife turns to husband and says, "I have just done a silent fart, what should I do?" Husband say…
Read full joke → - #14 · 4,720 upvotes
I had an idea for a movie plot.
A retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken. I had another idea for one where the…
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An old man is met by his attorney...
...and is told he is going to be audited. He rides to the IRS office with his attorney, and when he gets there, he begins to talk with the I…
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An old man decided his wife was getting hard of hearing
So he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked. The Doctor said he could see her in two weeks, and meanwhile th…
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Jesus Christ goes up to heaven...
He walks up an old man and says "Excuse me but I'm looking for my father. The old man says "That's funny! I'm looking for my son!" Jesus…
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An older couple is driving down the highway...
An older couple is driving down the highway when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks up to the driver side window and ask…
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A little old lady goes into an adult bookstore.
A little old lady, about 70 years old, walks into an adult bookstore and slowly shuffles up to the counter, her hands shaking. She stutterin…
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My all-time favorite joke: The Forgetful Couple
An elderly couple are sitting in the living room, and the old man gets up, and says "I'm going to the store to get myself a soda, do you wan…
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A 10-year old boy heard some screaming and rustling coming from his parent's room...
Thinking there is something wrong, he rushes in and sees his dad sweating and panting, and his mom turning red with embarrassment. "What ar…
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What kind of table is good for your health?
A vegetable! This joke was made by adorable 8-year-old niece! It wasn't. It was made by a 27 year old. Me. It was made by me.
Read full joke → - #23
My girlfriend broke up with me cause I stole her wheelchair
But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.
Read full joke → - #24 · 1,219 upvotes
Dad what does it feel like having an awesome son?
Me: Dad what does it feel like having an awesome son? Dad: I dont know ask your grandpa Edit: Can't believe i got 1000 upvotes , Thanks …
Read full joke → - #25
Three old men
Three elderly men were at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor asked the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply. T…
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