Crime & Law
The funniest crime & law — curated, scored by real readers, updated daily.
🏆 Top 10 Crime & Law of all time
- #1
An Engineer Goes to Hell
An Engineer dies and goes to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixe…
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Some women love playing hard to get.
Closing their blinds, locking their doors, calling the police...
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John robbed some coffee from Starbucks the other day.
The police are charging him for mugging.
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Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
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A cop shows up to a gory car wreck (long)
A cop shows up to a gory car wreck and immediately sees several body parts lying around. He takes out his pen and pad to make some notes for…
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What do lawyers wear to court?
*Lawsuits*
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How come american cops always lose at pool?
Because they always shoot down the black one first.
Read full joke → - #8 · 2,316 upvotes
There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence.
As he jumped down he sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.
Read full joke → - #9
A female blond police officer pulls over another blond female driver..
Blond police officer: "Can I see your license and registration?" Driver: "What's a license?" Police officer: "It's a thing in your purse wit…
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Prison sex...
It's con-sensual.
Read full joke → - #11
An old farmer wrote a letter to his innocent son in prison:
"This year I'm unable to plant potatoes because I can't dig the ground. I know if you were here you would've helped me." His son replied: "…
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My neighbours love my taste in music.
They even call the police to listen it.
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My local ski resort was ripped off last week for around $900.
The robber stole a burger, two beers, and some chips.
Read full joke → - #14
I nearly talked my way out of a speeding fine earlier by telling this Police woman she looked bloody stunning
Then I went and fucked it up by saying, 'And that's not the drink talking either'
Read full joke → - #15
A cop threatened to detain me for impersonating a police officer
Apparently, "you can't arrest me, I'm a police officer!" wasn't a very good answer.
Read full joke → - #16 · 26,514 upvotes
Why do riot police like to get to work early?
To beat the crowd.
Read full joke → - #17 · 3,392 upvotes
So I almost talked my way out of a speeding ticket by telling the women officer she looked stunning..
Then I fucked up by telling her "and that's not even the drinks talking".
Read full joke → - #18 · 3,133 upvotes
Police arrested two kids yesterday...
...one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.
Read full joke → - #19 · 3,093 upvotes
How many police officers does it take to push a black man down the stairs?
None. "He fell".
Read full joke → - #20
I tried to rob a bank using jello cast in the shape of a gun
The police charged me with carrying a congealed weapon
Read full joke → - #21 · 11,491 upvotes
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you..
You have my Word.
Read full joke → - #22
I got arrested the other day after police found me covering a boy with melted sugar
I was charged with child molassation
Read full joke → - #23 · 25,828 upvotes
A soldier ran up to a nun
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later." The nun agreed... A moment lat…
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I was at a retro night down at the club
The DJ played "The Twist", so I did the twist. Then he played "The Macarena", and I did the Macarena. When he played "Come on Eileen", that'…
Read full joke → - #25
Did you hear? The toilet was stolen at my local police station.
The cops have nothing to go on.
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