Animal Jokes
The funniest animal jokes — curated, scored by real readers, updated daily.
🏆 Top 10 Animal Jokes of all time
- #1 · 8,373 upvotes
I bought my friend an elephant for their room.
They said thank you. I said don't mention it.
Read full joke → - #2
If it looks like a duck, and sounds like a duck...
It probably identifies as a napkin and how dare you assume it's species.
Read full joke → - #3
A farmer was letting his 26 cows graze on a field near his farm with his dog
when suddenly he sees a rain cloud approach. He doesn't want his animals getting soaked or they might end up cold. He quickly scavenges fo…
Read full joke → - #4 · 30,499 upvotes
How do you milk sheep?
With iPhone accessories.
Read full joke → - #5
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
Read full joke → - #6
Did you know that animals make a different sounds depending what part of the world you are in....?
For example, in China, Dogs makes a sizzling sound! *I know I am going to hell for this but this was an old joke that was told to me. *
Read full joke → - #7
A black guy with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar
The bartender asks: Hey cool, where'd you get it? The parrot says: Africa
Read full joke → - #8
What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.
Read full joke → - #9
My in-laws couldn't cope when their cat had 9 kittens, so my wife told me to put them in a sack and dump them in the river.
I did it, but it broke my heart. I quite liked her dad.
Read full joke → - #10
A group of scientists run an experiment on a frog
They teach it to jump on command by using flies as treats. Now when they say "Jump" the frog jumps. Then they chop off one leg. They say "J…
Read full joke → - #11
So a Black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder...
The bartender says "Wow, that's something real special you've got there! Where'd you get it?" "Africa!", says the parrot.
Read full joke → - #12
A dolphin goes into the bar.
The barman says, 'Well, that was a bloody big tsunami!'
Read full joke → - #13
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A Lickalotopuss.
Read full joke → - #14
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
Read full joke → - #15
What did the goose say when he found out about flying south?
Wanna hear migrate idea?
Read full joke → - #16
A chicken goes into the library.
A chicken goes into the library, walks up to the librarian, and says, "Book." The librarian says, "You want a book?" "Book" "Any book?" "Bo…
Read full joke → - #17
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A megasoreass.
Read full joke → - #18
What do you call a dog with no legs?
I really doesn't matter he's not gonna come.
Read full joke → - #19
Made me laugh more than I should have!
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?! An investigator.
Read full joke → - #20
A man walks into church and sits in the confessional booth.
The priest sits down and the man says, "Forgive me for I have sinned. I was golfing yesterday and I cursed." The priest replies, "Would you…
Read full joke → - #21
What do you call a magical dog?
Labracadabrador!!!
Read full joke → - #22
What do you call a blind dinosaur?
Doyouthinkhesaurus
Read full joke → - #23
Johnny is on his grandpa's farm in the rabbit enclosure
Johnny is on his grandpa's farm in the rabbit enclosure. The ground is covered in rabbit droppings. Johnny asks, "What are all of the pellet…
Read full joke → - #24
My dog ran away this morning.
I walked around the neighbourhood looking and calling his name for an hour but still couldn't find him. My wife said I should look harder, …
Read full joke → - #25
How much does a polar bear weigh?
Enough to break the ice. Hi I'm Joe and I eat ass.
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