Doctor & Medical
The funniest doctor & medical — curated, scored by real readers, updated daily.
🏆 Top 10 Doctor & Medical of all time
- #1
A distraught man goes to his doctor and says "Doc, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my butt!"
The doctor asks him to drop his pants and examines him. The man asks: "Doc, does it look serious?" The doctor replies: "Sorry to tell you…
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The reason for the wage gap is that men have high paying jobs like doctor, lawyer, etc. while women usually have lower paying jobs...
...like female doctor, female lawyer, etc.
Read full joke → - #3 · 1,530 upvotes
A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Indian man were waiting outside the delivery room.
The matron comes out and explains that the hospital has accidentally mixed up the babies. The Scot goes straight in and picks up the brow…
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During WW2 a British pilot is captured by the Germans and sent to a POW camp.
While there he developes an infection in his leg and the camp doctor tells him that they have to amputate. "I have a request," says the pil…
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I learned a few things today.
1. I'm gonna be a dad! 2. I'm gonna be an uncle! 3. My sisters not on the pill.
Read full joke → - #6
- Doctor, I want to live very old
- Do you drink? - Never, only water. - You smoke? - Oh no, my body is a temple - Do you have crazy nights out dancing while doing co…
Read full joke → - #7 · 8,959 upvotes
A newly graduated doctor is assigned to a rural area, and after a few days he realizes that there were no women in the village, they were all men.
After taking a bit of confidence he asks one of his patients that they did when they had the need for sex and the patient replied: That they…
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The doctor gave me 6 months to live.
So I shot him. The judge gave me 20 years. Problem solved.
Read full joke → - #9
Unemployment at its best!
An Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver put them on another man, and in 6 weeks, he is loo…
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Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson were going camping.
They set up their tent, started a campfire, and laid down their sleeping bags inside of the tent. After a few hours of playing cards and jok…
Read full joke → - #11
A man asks the doctor
"Can I take a bath with diarrhea?" Doctor:"If you could fill the bathtub with it, why not?"
Read full joke → - #12
A man has been admitted to hospital after shoving 6 toy horses up his arse.
Doctors have described his condition as stable.
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THE BIG CRASH
It is the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere, two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the centre of the road. They c…
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I asked my dentist if I can have some of his laughing gas.
He said: "sure, knock yourself out."
Read full joke → - #15
A pirate goes to a doctor...
A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them. "It's ok," he says. "They're b…
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A girl goes to the doctor...
Putting his stethoscope to the young woman's chest, the doctor said, "Big breaths, dear." She smiled. "Yup. And I'm not even thixteen yet!"…
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3 surgeons walk into a pub...
...The first claims to be the best surgeon of Texas: "the world's best piano player lost 7 fingers in an accident. I sewed them back on and …
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I went to the doctors about my hearing..
I went to the doctors about my hearing and the doctors asked me "Can you describe the symptoms?" I said "Yeah, Homer's fat and Marge has bl…
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My doctor told me I need fewer trans fats in my life...
Looks like it's time to delete Tumblr.
Read full joke → - #20
What did the doctor say to the midget waiting in the lobby?
You're going to have to be a little patient.
Read full joke → - #21
Israeli, German, Russian, and American doctors were talking ...
An Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver put them on another man, and in 6 weeks, he is lo…
Read full joke → - #22
How I learned to mind my own business:
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, "13....13.....13." The fence was too high to see …
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I said to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hairback
Apparently thats an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient
Read full joke → - #24 · 27,736 upvotes
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.
A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Em…
Read full joke → - #25
A Doctor gives his patient the bad news that he only has a week to live...
Patient - "No, I don't accept that! I'd like an alternative fact please" Doctor - "Money-wise, you are now set for life"
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