Birthday Jokes
The funniest birthday jokes — curated, scored by real readers, updated daily.
🏆 Top 10 Birthday Jokes of all time
- #1
For my wife's birthday, I got a guy to follow her all day making bee noises.
She really wanted a hummer.
Read full joke → - #2
Dad Joke
It was my birthday an me and my Dad were driving on the highway when we saw a terrible accident. My Dad said "This is the worst accident I'v…
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What do clams do for their birthday?
They shellibrate...
Read full joke → - #4 · 2,741 upvotes
Why did I get divorced?
Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my c…
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A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results.
On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me aski…
Read full joke → - #6
I went to a 4-year olds birthday party once, it was kinda awkward...
...probably because I wasn't invited...
Read full joke → - #7 · 1,349 upvotes
My wife accused me of ruining her birthday, but that's impossible
I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Read full joke → - #8 · 19,917 upvotes
Most women would love to wake up on their birthday to the smell of fresh coffee, a nice breakfast, flowers and oral
But not my Sister.
Read full joke → - #9
David received a parrot for his birthday
The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an obscenity. Those that weren't expletives, were …
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What did the kid with no hands get for his birthday?
Gloves! Nah, just kidding. He hasn't unwrapped it yet.
Read full joke → - #11 · 1,956 upvotes
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye Matey!
Read full joke → - #12
I only drink twice a year
When it's my birthday, and when it's not
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A Husband came home late at night from the office one day and realised he forgot his Wife's birthday...
"How would you feel if you don't see me for next few days?" His wife said He couldn't believe his luck. He replied at once. "Wowww.....…
Read full joke → - #14
The worst thief ever came to my birthday party today.
I mean, I've seen other thieves, but this one took the cake.
Read full joke → - #15
I got a nice Rolex from the lesbian couple next door after they asked me what I wanted for my birthday.
It's a cool gift and all, but I think they misunderstood me when I told them I wanna watch.
Read full joke → - #16
My birthday present from my friendly Lesbian neighbors
So it was my birthday and I'm really good friends with the lesbian couple next door. I told them what I was wanting this year and they ended…
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What did the girl with no hands get for her birthday?
I don't know, she hasn't opened it
Read full joke → - #18 · 1,329 upvotes
There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off how many are left?
499. What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put an elephant in, close fridge. What are the four …
Read full joke → - #19
Birthday Party
My friend's college mentor told her this story: "So, my friend turned 32 last week, and we wanted to do something for his birthday so we pu…
Read full joke → - #20
I got my little brother a Cisformer for his birthday
It's like a transformer, but it starts out as a car and stays that way
Read full joke → - #21
I gave my girlfriend a picture of me for her birthday
It was a gif.
Read full joke → - #22
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
aye maighty
Read full joke → - #23
In the South Pacific...
Many years ago, in the South Pacific, there was a small island kingdom that was ruled by a kind and benevolent King. Each year, on the King'…
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The wife wants to surprise her husband on his birthday
She wants to take him to a strip club, since poor Gary has been working a lot lately, and has always been faithful to her so far, so he real…
Read full joke → - #25
An old man wants to get life insurance
The employee working at the insurance company asks: 'How old are you, sir?' 'I'm 102.' '102?! And you wanna get life insurance at *your* …
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