Dad Jokes
The funniest dad jokes — curated, scored by real readers, updated daily.
🏆 Top 10 Dad Jokes of all time
- #1 · 6,756 upvotes
Remember when you were a kid and when you cried your parents said, "I'll give you a reason to cry"?
I always thought they were gunna hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
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What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
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What do you call a guy thats half Mexican and half Chinese that wears only one sneaker?
Juan Chu
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"Honey, I think I'm ugly...."
So I pulled her infront of a mirror, stood right next to her and said: "Darling, I mean look a that sexy smile, that beautiful hair and tho…
Read full joke → - #5
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floor?
It was just a stage he was going through.
Read full joke → - #6
Turns out there are TWO Loch Ness Monsters. One of them is quite mean, but the other actually gives away his forestry tools.
A little weird, sure, but it's always nice to see some random axe of Kind Ness.
Read full joke → - #7 · 1,941 upvotes
I lost my watch at a party once...
An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was sexually harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, p…
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What did the chimpanzee say to the human?
No homo.
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Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil
Read full joke → - #10
What do you call a gay midget with great timing?
A Metro-Gnome
Read full joke → - #11
What do you call a Hispanic sniper?
A Puerto-recon.
Read full joke → - #12
Why did the Super Bowl Champions refuse to meet Trump at the White House?
Because they were Patriots.
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Did you hear about the guy who couldn't pay for his exorcism?
He got repossessed.
Read full joke → - #14
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut.
Read full joke → - #15 · 28,995 upvotes
Republicans are the true snowflakes...
they're white, they're cold, and if you put enough of em together they'll shut down public schools EDIT* Thanks for the gold! You popped my…
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Why can't Helen Keller drive....
Because she's a woman.
Read full joke → - #17
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because you put on the wrong sock this morning.
Read full joke → - #18
What do you call a beehive without an exit?
Unbelievable
Read full joke → - #19
Only 50,000 BC kids will get this
Ugga: Ung bung uhh mang Bunga tankun ung Bunga: Nanga uhh ung tangung uhh...unganun Ugga: Inga Bunga langa ung ugg Ugga? Bunga: Ung bunga…
Read full joke → - #20
A boy asks a girl to prom..,
..and she says yes. Overexcited, he is told he must show up with a limo and a tuxedo. So he goes to the limo rental and waits in the limo li…
Read full joke → - #21 · 5,036 upvotes
What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a guy who fixes bicycle horns?
One's motto is 'Be Prepared', the other's is 'Beep Repaired' EDIT:I reached r/all, I promised a friend of mine that I would stop calling …
Read full joke → - #22
What do you call a letter from a feminist?
Hate male.
Read full joke → - #23 · 4,850 upvotes
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four chin teller.
Read full joke → - #24
Why can't you starve in a desert?
Because of all the sand which is there.
Read full joke → - #25
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breathe dammit, BREATHE!
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