🏆 Top 10 Blonde Jokes
Ranked by real reader upvotes. The cream of the crop.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette...
...are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek. The brunette thinks 'I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert.' The blonde thinks 'I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the dowdy brunette for me and she slapped the beast.' The Frenchman thinks 'I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake.' The Englishman thinks 'I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again.'
👍 24,745 upvotes
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th Grade. Which one is the sexiest?
The blonde, because she's the only one who's 18.
👍 9,304 upvotes
Is it because I'm blonde?
A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said. "Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to G, but I said it to N. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L M, N!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" She lifted her tank top to reveal a fully developed chest. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No Honey, it's because you're 19!"
👍 5,846 upvotes
A college professor asks all of his students to yell out stereotypes for a class project
For a class project, a college professor asks all of his students to brainstorm and yell out different kinds of stereotypes. "All blonde girls are dumb!" yells a boy in the back. "Sony!" Yells the blonde girl in the front.
👍 4,139 upvotes
A Gorgeous Young Redhead Goes into the Doctor’s Office...
She said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. “Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.” The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor took off his glasses and said, “You’re not really a redhead, are you? “Well, no” she said, “I’m actually a blonde. I just dyed my hair last week.” “I thought so,” the doctor said. “Your finger is broken.”
👍 1,666 upvotes
A blonde walks into a library and says to the librarian "CAN I GET A BIG MAC FRIES AND A COKE?!!" The librarian says "excuse me miss.....this is a library."
The blonde says...."oh im sorry (whispers) can i get a big mac fries and a coke?"
👍 368 upvotes
Blonde car
A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 200,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "If I only can sell the car. "Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 60,000 miles on it."
👍 248 upvotes
A man is waiting for a bus, when he sees a blonde across the street digging a hole...
...and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. He watches as they move up the street doing this over and over again. The first blonde digs a hole, and the second one fills the dirt right back in. After a few minutes, he decides to ask them "excuse me, what are you ladies doing?" "We're working" the first blonde replies. "Just the two of you?" He inquires. "Well" the second blonde chimes in, "there's usually three of us, but the girl that plants the trees called out sick"
👍 189 upvotes
A blonde and a redhead watch the news...
A blonde woman and a redhead woman went to lunch. They had to wait for their table so they sat in the bar and had a drink. The TV was on and they noticed the news was showing a man on a rooftop threatening to jump. The redhead told the blonde "I bet you 50 bucks he jumps." The blonde replied "You're on." Sure enough the man jumped, so the blonde starts to dig out her money. The redhead felt kind of bad so she said "That's okay, I cheated. I saw this on the 10 o'clock news last night." The blonde turned to her and said "Well so did I, but I didn't think he would jump twice in a row!"
👍 166 upvotes