🏆 Top 10 Corny & Cheesy
Ranked by real reader upvotes. The cream of the crop.
A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...
She decides to report it to the pilot immediately. "Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!" The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."
👍 25,160 upvotes
A Man Was Tanned Everywhere Except His Penis....
There was a man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged 6 miles a day. One day, he took a look in the mirror and noticed that he was tan all over except his penis. So, he decided to do something about it. He went to the beach, completely undressed and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out. Two old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing the penis sticking up over the sand, she began to move it around with her cane, remarking to the other lady, "There's no justice in the world." The other lady asked what she meant and she said: "When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. Now, I am 80 and the damn things are growing wild on the beach and I'm too old to squat."
👍 342 upvotes
A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.
Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man. The first woman said "Have you ever had a hug?" The man said "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on. The second woman said "Have you ever had a kiss?" The man said "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on. The third woman came to him and said "Have you ever been fucked?" The fellow said "No", She said "You will be when the tide comes in."
👍 307 upvotes
A Jewish man Sent his son on a trip to Israel
When his son returned, it was brought up that, while on the trip, he had converted to Christianity. Distraught, the Jewish man went to a close friend of his and explained the situation. The other man replied, "Well that's strange, I too sent my son to Israel a Jew, and he too came back a Christian!" The two men were saddened, yes, but also intrigued. They went to their Rabbi with the concerns, again explaining the situation. As they were explaining what had happened, the Rabbi had a pained look on his face, and when they were done he responded, "Well that's strange, my son went on the same trip as a Jew, and he too came back a Converted Christian!" The three men devised a plan to figure out what was going on. They got on a plane and flew to Israel, determined to find out what was converting their sons! They found nothing, and went to the West Wall to pray about it. They screamed to the sky, "GOD, WE HAVE SENT OUR SONS TO ISRAEL AS JEWS, AND THEY CAME BACK CHRISTIAN, WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS TO US?!" There was a moment of complete silence, followed by a booming voice from the sky... "Well that's strange..."
👍 293 upvotes
Radio Station Contest
A local radio station was running a competition - words that weren't in the dictionary yet could still be used in sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali. DJ: "96FM here, what's your name?" Caller: "Hi, me name's Dave." DJ: "Dave, what's your word?" Caller: "Goan... spelt, G-O-A-N, pronounced 'go-an'." DJ: "... You are correct, Dave, 'goan' is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?" Caller: "Goan f$&k yourself!" The DJ cut the caller short and took other calls, all unsuccessful until: DJ: "96FM, what's your name?" Caller: "Hi, me name's Francis." DJ: "Francis, what's your word?" Caller: "Smee... spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced 'smee'." DJ: "... You are correct, Francis, 'smee' is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?" Caller: "Smee again! Goan f**k yourself!"
👍 214 upvotes
On my way for the latest Porsche presentation..
the airport officials requested the purpose of my flight. I wrote down "I'm here for the newest 911". Best regards from Guantanamo.
👍 135 upvotes