🏆 Top 10 Crime & Law
Ranked by real reader upvotes. The cream of the crop.
A soldier ran up to a nun
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later." The nun agreed... A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?" The nun replied, "He went that way." After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria." The nun said, "I understand completely." The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!" The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls…. I don't want to go to Syria either."
👍 25,828 upvotes
As a cop, I don't know how to deal with black people...
But I guess I'll take a shot at it.
👍 12,282 upvotes
To avoid being raped when I am in jail...
I stick a tube of toothpaste up my ass for complete cavity protection.
👍 11,098 upvotes
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night
The police told us to stay inside until they shot him
👍 10,605 upvotes
I yelled "shotgun", long before anyone else, but I still got to sit in the backseat.
I hate cops.
👍 3,694 upvotes
So I almost talked my way out of a speeding ticket by telling the women officer she looked stunning..
Then I fucked up by telling her "and that's not even the drinks talking".
👍 3,392 upvotes
Police arrested two kids yesterday...
...one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.
👍 3,133 upvotes