🏆 Top 10 Work & Retirement
Ranked by real reader upvotes. The cream of the crop.
Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump.
But its a silly comparison really, its like comparing apples to oranges.
👍 39,570 upvotes
A man makes a bet with his boss
He bets $500 that he can lick his eyeball. Laughing the boss agrees. The man takes off a fake eyeball and licks it. The boss angrily gives him the $500. The man then bets $500 he can bite his own ears. The boss pulls his ears to check if the man is wearing any fake ones, then agrees. The man takes out a set of fake teeth from his mouth and bites his ear with them. Angry, the boss gives him $500 and tells him to go away. The next day, the man comes back. Boss: What now? Didn't you take enough money from me? Man: Trust me. This one should be easy. I bet you all your money back that you are wearing purple underwear. Boss: Haha! My underwear is black! Man: May I see some proof? The boss goes to the washroom and brings back his underwear in his hands. The man cheerfully hands $1000 to the boss. Boss: Why are you so happy? Man: Look around you. All around the office's glass walls your 43 employees are watching. Boss: And..? Man: I bet each of them $500 that I can make you take off your underwear.
👍 3,984 upvotes
Why is free Wi-Fi never seen in churches?
Because no church wants to be challenged by an invisible power that actually works.
👍 2,453 upvotes
A teenage boy was delivering papers
A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes of flirting, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming." He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It has to be your ears." Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100 percent natural. I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin, not a blemish anywhere, how can you say the best part of my body is my ears?" Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside when you heard someone coming... that was me"
👍 2,332 upvotes
My boss told me, "You are the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?"
I replied, "I don't know; it's hard to keep track".
👍 928 upvotes
After my girlfriend got pregnant,
After my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed. My address, my job, my phone number...
👍 902 upvotes
A man wakes up one morning to find that he's grown a thick beard and is wearing a turban....
He, being very concerned and disoriented, calls his boss in order to see if he can get the day off. Man: "Boss, I just woke up with a turban and a long, thick beard. I think I need a day to figure things out." Boss: " So what are you saying....?" Man: "I'm calling in Sikh."
👍 412 upvotes
How will Trump add yuge amounts of manufacturing jobs?
He will build alternative fact-tories
👍 274 upvotes
Two refugees are waiting in line to get into the US...
Two refugees are waiting in line to get into the US, one says "screw this line, I'm going to shoot Trump". He leaves for a while and then comes back to resume his place in line. The other guy says "so, did you do it?" He says "no, the line there was even longer than this one."
👍 250 upvotes