Fishing Puns & One Liners

The funniest fishing puns & one liners — curated, scored by real readers, updated daily.

1. #1

   My girlfriend found one of my puns so funny that she flew into space and told it to an alien. Unfortunately, the alien didn't laugh.

   Personally, I think she took the joke a bit too far.

2. #2

   I went to a seafood disco last night

   Pulled a mussel

3. #3

   I'm going to buy my Dungeon Master a goldfish

   So I can carp a DM

4. #4

   I bought a copy of the Kama Sutra to spice things up in the bedroom with my girlfriend...

   ...unfortunately, it wouldn't fit inside her.

5. #5

   How does a bass player pick up girls?

   He says "Hi I'm a guitarist"

6. #6

   I accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles,

   my next crap could spell disaster!

7. #7 · 3,920 upvotes

   What's the difference between tuna, glue and a piano?

   You can tuna piano but you can't piano tuna!

8. #8 · 1,563 upvotes

   A new study has shown that women who get more sleep have better sex.

   Unfortunately the study was conducted by Bill Cosby.

9. #9

   I'd like to explain what happened before the big bang

   Unfortunately there's no time

10. #10

    What's the best trade a palindrome has ever made?

    A nut for a jar of tuna.

11. #11 · 2,308 upvotes

    A black kid and his father are on an airplane

    The plane suddenly starts to lose altitude and the captain made an announcement. "Attention passengers. Due to an engine failure we are for…

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12. #12

    How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?

    Ten tickles.

13. #13

    I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles lastnight..

    My next poop could spell, Disaster.

14. #14

    My friend doesn't like being called Squidward.

    He told me, "But I hate SpongeBob..." I said, "That's the spirit!"

15. #15

    When I was born I was given two choices:

    The first was to have a perfect memory, and the other was to have a huge penis. Unfortunately, I can't remember which one I chose.

16. #16

    If smoking is so bad for you

    How come it cures salmon?

17. #17

    Playing Scrabble is like talking to women...

    You spend the whole time looking at the rack trying to form words.

18. #18

    What's worse than lobsters on your piano?

    Crabs on your organ

19. #19

    Accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles last night.

    Going for a crap could spell trouble.

20. #20

    I was going to bring everyone on reddit some cool plants

    but unfortunately, I never botany

21. #21

    Had an idea for a Scrabble like game where you can only use racial slurs as words.

    The object is to see who can out trump who.

22. #22

    As a Marxist I could never play CoD,

    because I refuse to create a class.

23. #23

    Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space?

    Because no one on earth wants to buy it.

24. #24

    Dear Redditors. Sad news today. The guy who invented beastiallity drowned yesterday.

    He sleeps with the fishes now.

25. #25

    Nice Girls are found in every corner of the world...

    ...unfortunately, the world is round.

26. #26

    Why do tampons have strings attached?

    So you can floss after you eat. Alt ending: So the crabs can bungee jump.

27. #27

    The sun was coming up. Adam & Eve had just spent the entire night ...

    ... having glorious unadulterated sex. Eve decided to go wash up in the river close by. Just as she dipped her toe in the water to feel the …

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28. #28

    Don't compare whales to feminists...

    It's very offensive to whales

29. #29

    The Pun Competition

    A man enters a pun competition in his local newspaper. They will accept more than one entry if sent in separately, so the man writes out 10 …

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30. #30

    What did one giant squid say to the other giant squid?

    What's Kraken!

31. #31

    I lost a Scrabble game today when my opponent played the word "Clitoris".

    I was amazed at how fast he found it.

32. #32

    What's the difference between a tuna, a piano and a gluestick?

    You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

33. #33

    Gentleman

    Despite the fact that I'm a gentleman, I have no luck with women, I just always seem to screw things up. Recently I saw an attractive w…

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34. #34

    Studies show there is actually intelligent DNA in women.

    But unfortunately most of them spit it out.

35. #35

    My girlfriends father is very religious and says we can't sleep together.

    Which is really unfortunate because he is extremely good looking.

36. #36

    Someone dropped their Scrabble in the middle of the road...

    ...that's the word on the street anyway.

37. #37

    Why are oceans called "The High Seas"?

    Because of all the seaweed!

38. #38

    A pirate captain was telling his first mate how he got his injuries

    First he points to his peg leg. "You see," he says, "I got thrown overboard in a terrible storm an' a great white shark bit off me leg befor…

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39. #39

    I recently came into a HUGE amount of money.

    Unfortunately, though, I'm barred from future tours of the Mint.

40. #40

    There was a man who entered a local newspaper's pun contest.

    He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

41. #41 · 1,020 upvotes

    Unfortunately I lost my Korean friend the other day.

    So Yung.

42. #42

    why is the bass player stuck outside?

    he doesn't know when to come in and can't find the right key anyway

43. #43 · 9,814 upvotes

    What's the difference between tuna, a piano and glue?

    You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

44. #44

    I was dating a girl with a lazy eye.

    Unfortunately I had to break up with her because she was seeing someone else on the side.

45. #45

    Magic Trick

    A cruise ship hired a magician to entertain the passengers. Since the passengers changed every four or five days, the magician was able to …

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46. #46

    I like to do my laundry naked so that all my clothes are clean.

    Unfortunately, the patrons at the laundromat don't seem to agree.

47. #47

    Whats the worst part of eating 11 raw oysters out of your grandmothers vagina?

    Realizing you only put 10 in

48. #48

    Racing snail.

    My racing snail hadn't been out for a while, so i took his shell off to make him more streamlined. Unfortunately, it just made him more slug…

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49. #49

    I just finished writing a book on dolphins.

    I should have used paper.

50. #50

    Why don't they let whales into strip clubs?

    They tend to humpback.

51. #51

    I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.

    My next crap could spell disaster.

52. #52 · 4,529 upvotes

    99.9% of people are idiots.

    Fortunately, I belong to the 1% of intelligent people

53. #53

    Apparently France wanted to change their name after WWII.

    Unfortunately the name Iran was already taken.

54. #54

    Whats the difference between a piano a can of tuna and a bucket of glue...

    You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna (Random person) "what about the bucket of glue?" (You) "I knew you would get stuck …

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55. #55

    How are Michael Jackson and Starfish Tuna similar?

    They both come in little cans.

56. #56

    I submitted 10 puns to a local newspaper, hoping one would make it in.

    Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

57. #57

    After decades of intense research, scientists have finally figured out what a woman wants

    Unfortunately, she's since changed her mind.

58. #58

    Why does the ocean roar?

    You would too, if you had crabs on your bottom!

59. #59

    It was the end of the sixth day of the Creation and God summoned Adam and Eve.

    God: Adam, Eve, I have a very important decision for both of you to make. Throughout the day I have created the beasts of the land and hav…

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60. #60

    What does it take to make a squid laugh?

    Ten tickles.