Latest News
Grumpy takes on the latest news, rewritten for the young at heart.
- Birthright Israel Sees Surge, But Who's Paying for My Grandkid's Trip?
So, Birthright Israel is expecting its strongest demand in nearly a decade, huh? Apparently, three years after those attacks, young Jews are lining up to get a …
- Zuckerberg's Sister Spins Techno While I Spin My Wheels in Retirement
So, Mark Zuckerberg's sister, Arielle, is a secret techno DJ. Caught on camera at San Francisco Tech Week, no less. Well, isn't that just peachy? Here I am, try…
- Influencer Makes a Living Stirring Racial Pot? In My Day, We Just Yelled at Clouds
So some hotshot influencer named Ed Choi got a politician to say 'fascist liars' on camera, and now he's the big man on campus? Back in my day, if you wanted to…
- 67-Year-Old Man Does Donuts on Courthouse Lawn, Proves You're Never Too Old to Be an Idiot
Well, folks, here's a story that really gets my dentures grinding. Some 67-year-old geezer—who apparently had a few too many margaritas with his early bird spec…
- Warner Bros. Water Tower Gets a Facelift? In My Day, It Just Sat There!
So, the Warner Bros. water tower — that big old thing that's been collecting dust and pigeon poop since before I was born — is getting a makeover. Why? Because …
- Arizona Court System Hacked: 1.3 Million Seniors Now Easy Targets for Scammers
Well, isn't that just peachy? Some numbskull in Arizona's court system clicks on a dodgy email link and suddenly 1.3 million of us have our personal info floati…
- Apple News Hides DNC Broke Stories? Sounds Like My Grandson's Excuses
So Apple News is allegedly hiding stories about how broke the Democratic National Committee is. Well, ain't that a surprise? Next thing you'll tell me is that w…
- Giving Birth Now Costs More Than My First House (And That's Saying Something)
Well, slap my wrinkled backside and call me a dinosaur. Apparently, popping out a sprog in New Jersey or New York now costs up to $50,000. A C-section? Nearly $…
- Newark Schools Blow $566K on Fancy Gym While Kids Can't Read
So, Newark school bosses dropped a cool $566,000 on a state-of-the-art gym with a personal trainer. And how many people use it? Seven. That's right, seven. Mean…
- Unwavering Loyalty: Trump Supporters Vow to Back Him as President, Even from Behind Bars!
<p>Donald Trump’s devoted supporters are taking their loyalty to unprecedented heights, claiming they would continue to support him as president even if h…
- Beloved ‘Three’s Company’ Star Suzanne Somers Passes Away at 76
<p>Suzanne Somers, the legendary star of the hit TV show “Three’s Company,” has left behind a remarkable legacy in the entertainment industry.…
- Congress avoids government shutdown with last-minute funding bill
<p>Congress has averted a government shutdown by passing a short-term funding bill that will keep the government open for 45 days. The bill was signed into law …
- Nobel Prize winners reveal the secret behind COVID-19 vaccines
<p>The Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine 2023 was awarded to Drew Weissman and Katalin Karikó for their groundbreaking research on mRNA vaccines that led to…